If I Knew Then...

If I knew then, what I know now.

How many times have you said these words? Most of us say them fairly often, about different situations, in a variety of settings, and in reference to the people in our lives.

When you run into a relationship problem with a man that you love, however, this phrase seems to carry with it so much self-blame, regret and guilt.

The phrase If I knew then, what I know now might very well translate to negative thoughts about yourself, such as

• How could I have been so stupid?
• Why didn't I see the red flags?
• My friends tried to tell me, but I ignored them!
• I feel dumb.
• I feel taken advantage of.
• How on earth could I let this happen?

If you've felt this way in the past, if you feel this way now, stop beating up on yourself. The divorce rates in this country suggest you are not alone! Nearly half of all first marriages end in divorce, as do 67% of second and 73% of third trips down the aisle.

So what's the answer? Hire a detective, collect all of your boyfriend or fiance's medical records, interview his past girlfriends and employers, subpoena his financial records?

Probably not. Few of us can afford to go to such lengths to learn what we should about the men we date, mate and marry.

However, you can take one positive step that will help you know what you should know about a man you expect to spend your life with. Get to know yourself, first! Your dreams, your desires, and your goals in life! And then figure out how to get what you want with a partner whose dreams, desires and goals are similar to your own.

Over the next couple of weeks, I'll post some tips that will help you find your way. In the meantime, think about joining our pilot group where we will discuss and practice ways to understand yourself, and then your man, before you say I do a first, second, or third time!

Other Midlifeventure News:

Deanna (deanna@rainandbrehm.com) sent out preliminary information on our pilot groups, which we expect to begin in August 2010. If you haven't yet received this information, please email Deanna or respond to this blog. We'll get the information (and updates) to you right away!