The Right Criteria: Where to Meet Guys

The other night on HNN, I caught the tail end of Joy Behar's interview with Patti Strange from the reality show Millionaire Matchmaker. Who knew such shows existed? (I only just discovered America's Got Talent two weeks ago!)

Anyhow, Patti advised women looking for wealthy Wall Street guys (if there are any left) to meet them by hanging out in the places where they hang out: bars, in the hallways of the office buildings where they work--something like that. Sounds like stalking to me, but maybe I missed something. Sorry Patti, I don't recall exactly what you said about where the bulls gather, besides Pamplona--I was getting ready for bed, and sleeping on my feet.

Suffice it to say, the Millionaire Matchmaker's advice went, more or less, like this: go where they go, get to know who comes and goes by scoping out the bars and bistros, and, of course, cozy up to the bartenders who know absolutely everybody (they do, my youngest son is a bartender). Next thing you know, you'll meet your millionaire!

So what's wrong with this advice? On face value, probably nothing: Patti is likely right, you will meet your millionaire--but can you keep him?

Frankly, my larger question to you is this: Do you want to keep him?

And that goes for any guy you meet and/or take up with, be he millionaire, bartender, lawn guy, teacher, lawyer, doctor, or even the occasional unemployed writer who thinks he's America's next great novelist (my oldest son is a published novelist, so don't short-shrift this job category when looking!)

How do you know if you want to keep him? Well, you have to use the right criteria, first and foremost.

What is the Right Criteria?

It's not a formula, or a list, or even a how-to. The "right criteria" comes from you, and from you knowing yourself: what you want, what you need, and what you dream of having and being.

So, if you want a guy who hangs out in expensive bars near Wall Street, instead of a homebody who enjoys your meals cooked with love, then by all means, run with the bulls and take Patti's advice.

If you want someone who shares your interests, your core values, your intellectual and conversational needs, and your spiritual beliefs, then develop your "right criteria" before setting out on the man hunt.

How?

• Figure out what YOUR interests, values, needs and beliefs are
• List them, own them, and claim them as important and imperative to your personal happiness and life satisfaction
• Identify places and opportunities where you might meet a guy best matched to your list of imperatives
• Go to these places, take advantage of opportunities, with the goal of having fun, learning something new, and meeting interesting people

Don't make finding a man your top priority! Trust me: if you are enjoying yourself and doing things that are important and imperative to you, then you will, sooner or later, attract a man who is more like you than a Wall Street millionaire (unless, a Wall Street Millionaire is what you want, and in that case, call Patti!).

Chances are, by sharing friends, fun and activities in common you and this great guy you will meet, will get to KNOW each other even better.

You might decide he is worth keeping! And he might decide to keep you! Never forget, love is a two way street....